Military Spouse Leave - Capt. Daniel Lagomarcino, 75th Fighter Squadron A-10C Thunderbolt II pilot, and girlfriend Cassie Borden embrace during a redeployment at Moody Air Force Base, Ga. (Air Force One/Andrea Jenkins).
Before my husband deployed to Iraq for the second time, he and I went through a particularly difficult time in our relationship and found ourselves arguing, literally, all the time. We argued about stupid things, things that didn't matter, but for some reason, neither of us was willing to let anything go. I remember mentioning this to another woman in passing, and how surprised I was that this lift seemed more difficult than her first visit. I felt like I was at my wits end and worried about being hired in this state.
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He simply smiled and said, "Let me give you a piece of advice, honey. If you want to marry a Marine, and stay that way, you have to understand that you can't make any big life decisions in the beginning. . Six weeks after he comes back six weeks before he deploys. If you do that, it's going to drive you crazy, because you're both crazy right now."
Armed Forces Dispatch 1/12/23 By Armedforcesdispatchnewspaper
It was the best advice I ever received, and actually one of the main reasons my husband and I are still (happily) together. Which got me thinking about how many other pearls of wisdom are floating around in our women's society, waiting to be discovered. So we took the opportunity to speak to a few women and pick their opalescent brains about their best advice.
When it comes to dating advice for a service member, almost every woman agrees that the key is to stay active and busy. “Find a hobby or something to invest in yourself to keep you busy while he's deployed,” recommends Marine wife Megan Lee.
Wife Bobbie agrees. Whenever her husband was deployed, she would lock herself in the house with her children. "Since my husband has already missed so many milestones," she explains, "I didn't want him to miss things like going to the zoo for the first time." But then she got some great advice: "Go out and experience life. Life doesn't stop because my spouse is deployed. When she finally came out, she says, "It was sad that my husband did too. He missed the milestone, but we are a happy family and the kids don't miss his experiences.
Erica Ray, who has accompanied her husband through three deployments, adds, "Try to find a job and stay as busy as possible, whether it's just hanging out at the pool or going to church every weekend. is." Just make sure you have a plan to get out of the house every day."
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As every woman knows, continuous change orders (PCS) are simply a way of life. Instead of seeing them as a life sentence of loneliness, look on the bright side of seeing the world on the government's dime.
Army wife Erin Hamilton recommends, "First and foremost, address housing. When your orders are authorized, contact the housing office of the future post and put yourself on the list as soon as possible, if you Hoping to stay on post'. Another piece of advice that many women can relate to is "Never accept a house, sight unseen." You never know when housing from post to post What is. She recommends taking about three weeks off, whenever possible, to deal with the challenges of the move. "That way, [my husband and I] can take our time getting there and opening that house and is there to help set up. There's nothing worse than coming home from work to a house full of boxes everywhere."
Hamilton also suggests that when making official moves, "make sure you list everything. Write down the serial numbers of electronics, take photos of valuables in case something gets damaged, and always have essential paperwork in the car. Carry the document (marriage license, birth certificate, passport) with you. If you can't bear the thought of losing it, move it yourself."
Another option is Do It Yourself Research (DITI). “I'm a big fan of the DIY (DITI) move,” reports Ray. It's a lot of work, but you can make a big difference." Also, check with your local family service center to see if you can sign up for a PCS class or workshop. Many of these classes can really help demystify the process and paperwork and even give you tips to get you money you may be entitled to that you never knew existed!
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The best investment women can make in their happiness is to engage in lifestyle. As Army wife Stephanie Rickert explains, "It's not a job, it's a lifestyle. The needs of the Army always come first." So try to look on the bright side and see the positive aspects of this lifestyle. As Army wife Rachel Friedhoff explains, "Life, especially life, is about perspective. So make the most of it and enjoy the adventure."
Chantal Arseneau, a Marine's wife, agrees, recalling, "The best advice I got was, 'Don't deal with his career life, do something for yourself.' So every time we PCS, I make myself a top ten list of things I want to do or places we'll be stationed there." Previous lists have included skydiving, sailing and included shark diving, but she says "it can be something as simple as going to the local zoo. It gets me out of the house and helps me see that this is my adventure too, not just her career." .”
Another wife, Jamie-Lynn, recalls the best advice she ever received, "It was from an army wife at age 12. I had just found out where our first orders were and I wasn't happy with the location. . He looked at me and said, 'Bloom where you sow, baby.' I have a long time left, he always brings out the best in himself. Bloom where you are planted!"
"I'm a CNN addict," Hamilton admits, "but when Matt is deployed, I have to fight the urge. I never watch his news when he's gone. It seems like every time. When I turn it on, something happens where it's supposed to, and so it's much harder to worry. I spend my days worrying that something has happened, while he plays poker with his friends. They are waiting to do something."
Deployment And Daily Life: How Capital One Supports Military Spouses
If you can't fully withdraw, take Rickert's lead and "watch the news only in moderation." Friedhoff agrees, saying, "News outlets are only there to sell a story. Wait for the military to tell you the truth, and the saying is true. No news is good news."
This may sound obvious, but most women emphasized how important it is to make good friends and be involved in the community. When Jennifer Greer first told her ex-Marine father that she was marrying a Marine, he offered his support, but also some suggestions. "He told me how hard it was going to be." He said to be strong and make good friends, because the Marines and the friends we make along the way will be like family to us and they will often be the ones who get us through the tough times."
Ray suggests joining a local family preparedness program, "It's great to network for support!" It may also inform you of certain resources such as offers such as the "J Allotment" otherwise known as the Savings Deposit Program (SDP) where service members can contribute up to $10,000 while deployed in a combat zone. and can earn a guaranteed interest rate. of 10%. "As much money as you can put into the account." Ray suggested. "It keeps you from spending and it's great when he comes home and wants a new car or motorcycle."
According to Rebecca Selfridge, a Marine's girlfriend from Massachusetts, being involved and informed has kept her sane. "When my boyfriend was deployed, I was looking for as much information as I could about where he was and what he was doing. I found his unit's website, read and printed all the newsletters. I learned Marine Corps acronyms and definitions. ...It helped me feel educated and connected. I don't think it would have worked if he was just moving seats and I was sitting there not knowing where he was going or what to do. has been.”
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Greer spoke with an important point he learned at L.I.N.K.S. session at Camp Lejeune,” said the woman leading the session, “Women cannot be shy. speech I know that might sound like common advice, but it often comes back to me when I'm in a new place or around a group of people I don't know."
In the borough, gossip flies faster than a C-17 and can be twice as deadly. We all know that 'loose lips sink ships' and they follow
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